So its that time of year again... where DESPITE the obvious materialistic consumer "poisons" so many rail againt.... i have hit up the mall! Most of my shopping done, i went WAY over budget... as usual ;_;
im an impulsive person... coupled with an intense desire to please that makes for a) one very generous gift giver and b) one very broke friend!
And i hate screaming toddlers and crazed moms just as much as teh next person, but its always nice to know youve found the perfect gift for a close friend!
And im being unusually cheery.... o_O
Probably as a result of a DELICIOUS grilled cheese and tomato sandwich i procured from teh Nite-Owl. it was suppossed to be breakfast tomorrow but as mentioned, im a wee bit impulsive haha!
Anyway... so alot of my friends are under ALOT of stress, with finals coming up and some have concerts and whatnot- im like a vampire feeding off of their stress! (ok THAT sounded creepy but hear me out!) i Love being able to listen when they need an ear or shoulder to cry on, and tell some silly story to make them forget (if even for a moment) their trials and problems. I know what it feels like, being in that place where everythign has risen up like canyon walls and you feel so trapped... and i know that while it doesnt seem it, by standing on teh shoulders of another you can make it out! i want to be those shoulders! The people i respect; for their trust-worthiness, for their persistance, for their faithfulness- they are my true friends and often, i think there is nothing i wouldnt do to keep them happy...
Those canyons have become my second home, and unfortunately theres only room for one!

Sometimes i forget how completely art is a part of my life... how it can dictate my moods my responses my everything (!)
how if its been too long i feel so dried out and empty.. until i finally pick back p teh pencil or pen and make somethign magnificent! its like my own private oasis, i can feel the flush of my skin the smile on my lips. That i could discount so easily its influence is saddening, and i want to use this season of giving to give to MYSELF, to tell myself to remember this integral part of me, and never forget how much it means to me.


p.s. And also! sometimes i over react to stimuli. i.e. possible obscure invites. ;_; and THAT is certainly not helpful
(and OCMPLETELY not cohesive )

No brick black days today...
fire engine red burning and moving much too fast.
Get me out! Take me there! Theres something big in the works, something dangerous brewing under those skirts.
angry guitar riffs and black moods, pretending i dont hear you so hopefully i can outrun you. I love my vein of abstract emotion, the hidden quirks! The anger the rush the taste!
knowing i've done somethign worthwhile and exhilarating, being proud of myself and what i have done.
this is good
this is feeling

one of those brick black days...
when you cant see, only listen
contort those words and voices into snakes and poison
one of those brick wall days
where i would rather stay trapped
then struggle to get out
Brick wall days, where i can lean against them
and soak in the cold. Rough and ready, i would rather
them than you.
i can see you! but i cant feel you... and I can hear you! but i cant understand you
these brick wall days
im inside these walls
windows and doors, none.
Brick Wall days, sometimes i need them
waking up without the desire to escape today,
without the need to connect
walls tight... and so far away! these brick wall days...
i need to sink into them
and emerge
and sink
these bricks they serve their purpose